Written by: Coach (Aaron) Auge
“Auge, you don’t have what it takes to be a head coach”
Those words bounced around like the ball in a pinball machine for years inside of my brain. With every clang and clink off the walls of my brain, the chip on my shoulder grew larger and larger. At one point in my coaching career, I let it consume me. I wanted to be a head coach just to prove this guy wrong. Fast forward 11 years after those words were injected into my brain, I was given the opportunity. I withdrew my name from consideration shortly after applying. I wanted to be a goalie coach, and there hasn’t been a day that has passed since that I have regretted my decision.
See, I only played Lacrosse my last two years in high school. One of them being a goalie, one of them being a defensive midfielder. I fell in love with the game way too late. The biggest regret I have in life is I did not listen to Sara Tisdale (My former health sciences teacher and women’s NCAA D1 lacrosse coach) when she told my mom I should try lacrosse my freshman year. That would have given me two more years.
While the self-doubt of my lack of playing experience flares up from time to time, it is doubled when people bring it up. It is quadrupled when I know people look at me differently or treat me differently because of it.
Every single one of the goalies I have coached, as of right now, have stepped in the crease more times than I have. How do I deal with the self-doubt that fact causes?
My biggest flaw is that I am my own biggest critic. Realistically, I should call the police and report all the times I have beat myself up mentally. That is why when goalies come to me about having self-doubt, I can easily relate. All roads lead back to that toxic rhetoric someone delivered to me back in 2014…
The rhetoric I would like to broadcast today, is let them talk. Use the words being said or thought as motivation. Have a chip on your shoulder, but do not let it consume you like I let it consume me. It is indeed possible to have a chip on your shoulder and let it motivate you, without being a tool about it. Every time I feel like someone is treating me different because of my lack of playing experience, I feel a million more times motivated to prove them wrong. Even when the words were constructed in my own head.
Self-doubt is a normal feeling to have. Without it, I am not sure this world would operate at the level that it does. Learning to control that self-doubt and harnessing it into motivation is important. It is okay to have a little self-doubt but use it to fuel the fire inside of you and to prove yourself or others wrong. Use the self-doubt to sculpt the chip on your shoulder into something that will motivate you for the rest of your life. If a coach planted that self-doubt inside of you, even better. Who cares what “Generic Midwest Lacrosse Coach #311” thinks about you as a goalie? I don’t? You shouldn’t either.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I am holding a training session with a goalie, or coaching on the sideline, I pretend the man who told me I didn’t have what it took to be a head coach is standing in the corner watching me, waiting to see me fail. It is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me, and my greatest motivation.
Politics have no place in high school sports. I think if you asked every athletic director in the state of Michigan if that statement is true or false, you would give up halfway through, because it is a “muffin” of a question. It is the equivalent of a slow shot from a defensive player shot to stick-side high. We all know that the reality is, politics in high school sports is a plague with seemingly no cure. How do we deal with the coach that has a problem with you? Or how about the parent-coach combo who feels they earned the right to play their athlete ahead of you simply because they hold the title? The unfortunate reality is you can’t. Hold on, before you close the page and leave, let me explain. You cannot do anything directly about a coach who has a problem with you. What can you do though?
You need to keep fighting the good fight. Keep playing year-round. Seek outside training from the amazing private goalie coaches here in Michigan (or in your own home state) and beyond. Keep showing up on game day in your goalie gear, do not switch positions. You need to make it extremely hard for that coach to ignore that you are the better goalie. Not by causing drama or acting out of the ordinary, but by doing everything you would do if you were the starter. Business as usual. Will anything change? It might not. Is it fair? Nope. However, it is going to set you up to be a much more successful person in life.
Remember you are going to be a lacrosse player for only a small portion of your life, use the lessons you learn for the rest of it.
If the situation gets worse, and you are at your breaking point. Seek help. There is no shame in getting advice from other goalies and other coaches about your situation. The Goalies Matter network is an incredible group of not only coaches, but humans who have all at one point experienced something you are going through.
If the situation reaches a point of no return, remember why you are playing lacrosse in the first place. Don’t give up on the game you love because of one person like I almost did. You can always play club travel ball and not for your high school in the spring. Is that the glamorous option? No. But it gives you time to figure out what the plan is. If the coach you are having issues with is your club travel coach, boy let me tell you I have good news for you. You can leave. You owe them nothing. College coaches do not care if you played for the super platinum team with $500 matching chrome helmets, or the team that practices next to a corn field. Attend college showcases while playing on the club travel team that respects you as a goalie and as a person.
Here is the dirty little secret that might make some people mad. College coaches don’t care if you were the starter or the back-up in high school. I should rephrase that… College coaches you want to play for, don’t care.
Through coaching at Central Michigan, I had the opportunity to ask a high-level College NCAA D1 coach one question about their recruiting process when it comes to goalies. I wanted to help prepare the goalies I train better so I asked, “What is one thing you look for outside of save percentage when recruiting goalies?” His response:
“I have guys on my staff who can fix the save percentage, I don’t have guys on my staff that can fix attitudes. I would much rather take the goalie who is a leader on the field and who is calm when they get scored on, rather than the goalie with an 80% save percentage who slams his stick every time he gets scored on”
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I think back to when I was trying to get back into coaching, after my first stop unceremoniously let me explore other options against my will.
Another man in the corner, watching me, waiting to see me fail, this time, the man took the role of the town I grew up in, a town I desperately wanted to coach for. That feeling was not reciprocated.
A few years later, I found a home in DeWitt, Michigan, only 15 minutes east of where I started coaching and where I grew up. It was a fresh start. I felt appreciated, I felt at home. My confidence was back. That confidence in me grew when I became the Goalie Coach for the Central Michigan Men’s club lacrosse team. Another fresh start, another great group of players who appreciate me. Yeah, it’s club, and I don’t really care what you think about that. That’s a blog post for another day…
That is what a lot of high school goalies don’t realize about going to college and playing. No one care’s who your parents are, no one cares how long you played before getting there. You can be whoever you want to be. The confidence that brings you can be liberating.
In closing, I challenge every single one of you reading this identify your own “man in the corner, watching to see you fail” let it motivate you. You might even find that you eventually forgive that person, because of the extra motivation.
I want to thank some people who deserve to be thanked. As Cheesy as it is, some of them have never gotten a thank you for the impact they had on my coaching career. Coach Marek, Coach Delp, Coach Stafford, Coach Jones, Coach Price, Coach Rademacher, Coach Love, Coach Bird, Coach Wegenke, Coach Wright, Coach Edgerly, Jordon Mireles, Darin Parr, Chris Baldwin, Brad Gigliotti, Marv Hardy, Simon Milatz, and the amazing coaches I have met through Goalies Matter. I have learned something from every single one of them, some more than others, but that is okay. Some of them will never read this, and that is also okay.
Thank you for reading,
Auge ✌️
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